If one can not laugh at one self, then one is taking the game of life too seriously

Laughter is true Enlightenment

I have selected some of these jokes of the internet . Some of the authors' names i did not get with the article, so profound regrets if anyone feels unduly dishonored about not receiving their recognition for these articles.

Please send your humor to humor@crystalworlds.com and we might added it to this page

 

A Challenging Golf Game

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but kept rolling directly toward a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, the water parted and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long drive directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball back onto the green.

The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and veered toward a nearby tree. From there, the ball bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog screamed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

 

 

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.  
 
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"  "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman replied.  

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked "No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."   "Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS?" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"  
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight. The homeless woman was astounded.  "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

 

The Genie of The Bottle

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So.. what'll it be?"  
The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.   See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa.   It will bring about world peace and harmony."  

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred year s.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."  
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for ...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "you better Let me have a look at that map again." 

 

 

A banker confused about maths, asks his blonde secretary: Mary..

"If I give you R3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?

She replies:

"Everything sir, the dress, bra and panty..

 

 

What Goes Around Come Around, Some times Quicker than you think

 

 

A store that sells husbands

 There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband ..    

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. 

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

 The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.  "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:  Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"  

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:   Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love>kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.